


One Fish, Two Fish, Swordfish, Catfish

by faequeentitania



Series: Everyone Lies on the Internet [1]
Category: Agents of Cracked, Cracked - Ambiguous Fandom, Cracked.com
Genre: False Identity, Flirting, M/M, Online Dating, Online Relationship, Online Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-26
Updated: 2016-11-26
Packaged: 2018-09-02 07:00:00
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 12,522
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8655181
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/faequeentitania/pseuds/faequeentitania
Summary: It was just a joke; just a way to watch Dan nerd out about horses, see if he would reveal any embarrassing secrets, maybe flirt with him a little. Just some harmless catfishing, just to mess with him. It wasn't supposed to turn into real feelings.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I have never written so much in so short of a time frame. Over 12,000 words in ten days, from start to finish, and it all stemmed from a _You've Got Mail_ AU idea [internetface](http://archiveofourown.org/users/internetface) blessed me with. The internet is amazing. :)

Michael panicked. He didn’t _mean_ to, okay? It just happened. Dan, _his_ Dan, was Danny O from the “Yay for Neigh!” blog! Of course he had to act like it was weird, because it kind of was. He just didn’t ever expect that tie-wearing, no-fun Daniel was a horse guy. Let alone _that_ horse guy, I mean come on! What were the chances?

He needed a plan. He wanted so badly to tell Dan the truth, of how much of a fan he was. But he needed to be strategic. He needed to make sure Dan couldn’t use it against him; no way was he letting a pencil-pushing nerd have any upper hand on him. Unacceptable. Not happening. Not no way, not no how.

Dan needed to be outed first. No one would believe him if he went on to accuse Michael of being a horse guy after that. They’d just see it as him trying to bring his partner down with him into his meerkat hole of equine shame.

He hid in the break room, waiting for Dan to leave. It was pretty easy, there was a support beam in the ceiling he could nap on, so he pushed one of the drop ceiling tiles out of the way and crawled up.

He woke up at the sound of the elevator some time later, and gleefully rifled through Dan’s desk, revealing every hidden horse.

Michael placed his hands on his hips, looking at the small collection.

“Not enough,” he decided. That was ok. He knew a guy who knew a guy.

“There,” he placed the last horse with a flourish, looking around at the scene. It was beautiful; Jose the quarterhorse and Marianne the thoroughbred were learning The Force from Dan’s desk Yoda, Sierra the circus horse was hanging from the ceiling, the Arabians Sparkle and Nubs were consorting with the Joker on how to take over the entire desk...

Dan would love it, after he got over the initial surprise. Michael was sure of it. Now to make the banner...

Dan was angry. He shouted and everything, which was surprisingly scary coming from someone so short.

He also put all the horses away while Michael was at lunch, which was insulting.

“Alright Dran Alburn,” Michael vowed, stroking Priscilla the racehorse’s noble brow, “This means war.”

It was a stroke of genius, really. Pathetic, attention-starved Dan would eat it up, it would make his decade. This was going to be _hilarious_.

He could play normal. He could play _boring_ , like Dan. Over the Internet, it would be even easier.

Ditch dreamgallop69420Xx and create manetales9. manetales9 would have a boring, predictable name like... John. Oooo... yeah! John on the John. Ha! _Dan_ on John, if the little nerd ended up swinging that way. He could do with some good sexting. Or crap sexting, as was far more likely with awkward, neurotic Dan.

Set the trap. Put out the bait. Wait for the loser to bite.

* * *

Dan hadn't looked at his blog since Michael made a spectacle of him in front of the entire office. He just couldn't stomach it, it was too mortifying.

It was still mortifying, honestly, but everyone seemed to have moved on to other things, thank god. He just needed to keep his head down and Michael out of trouble the best he could and he'd be fine. It was all going to be fine.

That's what he told himself as he signed into “Yay for Neigh!”. It was the longest he had ever gone without updating, and it made him feel a bit better when the comments on his last blog entry showed several messages from his regular readers, asking if he was okay. He thanked them each individually for their concern, and summed it up as “a lot going on at work.” An understatement if there ever was one.

He read through the rest of the comments casually, replying here and there, deleting trolls, or making notes about points people made that he wanted to talk about in a future post.

 **manetales9 commented:**  
Hi Danny O! New to your blog, and I absolutely love it! It's so nice to find other horse guys out there. :) Can't wait to see your next post!

Dan smiled, and hit reply. He made a habit of welcoming new readers individually; it helped make everyone feel like they were part of the community.

 **CowboyDan86 replied:**  
Thanks so much! So glad you found the blog; it can be tough out there to find a good horse community! I should be posting something new soon, I hope you like it. :)

For a bit, he managed to forget his chaotic, stressful work life and just sink into the pure joy that was talking about horses. He needed this; he hadn't realized how much he had missed it. Michael be damned; he was a horse guy and he wasn't going to stop just because of a few jokes made at his expense. People did that anyway, before they knew about the horses.

His notifications pinged, and he checked the new, incoming comment.

 **manetales9 replied:**  
Thanks for replying, that's super nice of you! I agree, it's hard to find people who understand. You seem to really GET it, you know? I love seeing your opinion, it's always so smart! You really care and it shows. :)

Dan felt a trickle of pride drip into his chest. This is what made it all worth it. Curiously, he clicked on their username and scanned their profile. It was pretty sparse, which wasn't entirely unexpected for a new user. Just a profile picture of a beautiful Arabian, it's mane flowing in the wind, a name and age; John, 24.

“Hello, John, 24,” Dan said aloud. He didn't know why, but he just had a good feeling about this guy; maybe he was on the precipice of a new friendship, “Nice to meet you.”

* * *

Dan posted a new blog post.

Michael read it eagerly, grinning. More analysis of horses in media, and... GASP. A link to his Hidalgo fanfic? BOOKMARKED.

The nerd was really on a roll, he must have been constipated up with horse love for weeks. Michael was glad that he had finally gotten back to it; partially because he genuinely liked “Yay for Neigh” and partially because it gave him more to use in his little scheme.

 **manetales9 commented:**  
Another amazing post, Cowboy! You’re SO right, we need more stories that feature the independence of horses. My Little Pony was ahead of its time! Have you considered the brainwashing in Black Beauty? He was totally cool being a servant to that rich family! He only realized he was a slave when he got sold into a horrible life of labor. So much indignity!

Michael submitted the comment with a grin. That was sure to get Dan’s horse-loving heart into a tizzy.

Dan didn't fail him. Within a few minutes, Michael received a passionate reply. He read it with a smug grin, Dan’s deconstruction of _Black Beauty_ so thorough it could have been a blog post in itself.

The last line, though. That was the money shot.

 **CowboyDan86 replied:**  
I could go on! You should message me (if i haven’t bored you by now, lol) My AIM is CowboyDan86 too.

Hook, line, and sucker.

* * *

Dan twiddled his pen, glancing at the instant messenger every few seconds.

That was brash. He never invited people to chat, he had to keep his personal life and writer life separate.

What was he doing? God, he was waiting for a message like a teenager waiting for a “Do you like me? Circle yes or no.” note.

_Ba-da-ling!_

A new message notification appeared.

Holy crap.

 _ **manetales9:**_ hello, cowboy!

Dan felt his face flush. He liked being called that way more than he ever wanted to admit to.

 **CowboyDan86:** hello! glad to hear from you. thanks for your interest in my blog, you’ve been so nice!

 _ **manetales9:**_ of course. credit where credit is due. i’m john.

 **CowboyDan86:** nice to meet you, john. i’m daniel.

 _ **manetales9:**_ haha, not danny?

Dan chortled.

 **CowboyDan86:** haha, no, actually. that was kind of a joke that got out of hand.

 _ **manetales9:**_ i know how that is! is cowboy still ok? :)

Dan rubbed his hand over his mouth, his face getting pinker by the second.

 **CowboyDan86:** haha, sure. works for me.

 _ **manetales9:**_ cool. :) hey, here's a question. what do you think of spirit: stallion of the cimarron?

 **CowboyDan86:** oh boy! you sure you want to start that long discussion?

 _ **manetales9:**_ nothing would make me happier. :)

Dan cracked his knuckles and settled back in his chair. This was going to be fun.

* * *

Dan was so different online. It made Michael question reality even more than usual. Online Dan was so confident. Real life Dan was so...

“MICHAEL!”

Well, bossy, for one.

“Michael! Are you listening to me?”

“No,” Michael said dismissively, rotating the joystick expertly to take down an alien ship. Victory was his!

“Please stop playing Galaga for a minute and listen to me.”

“Are you going to say something boring and dumb?”

Dan made an annoyed, huffy sound like the air being squeezed out of a bean bag chair.

“I'll take that as a yes,” Michael said, and then promptly tuned him out.

He really didn't understand it. Real Life Dan was so pushy, and boring, and such a worry wart. Online Dan may be just as weird, but he was confident and actually kind of witty. Catfishing him was actually kind of enjoyable.

Real Life Dan eventually went back to his own desk, and Michael could finally get back to beating the crap out of these space invaders in peace.

* * *

 _ **manetales9:**_ hello, hello!

 **CowboyDan86:** hello! how are you?

 _ **manetales9:**_ good. how are you?

 **CowboyDan86:** surviving.

 _ **manetales9:**_ that sounds like a downer.

 **CowboyDan86:** sorry. my job is just kind of crazy.

 _ **manetales9:**_ oh? what do you do?

 **CowboyDan86:** i'm a writer for a comedy website.

 _ **manetales9:**_ that sounds fun! isn't it?

 **CowboyDan86:** the actual writing part, yeah. unfortunately I was also hired to basically babysit one of my coworkers to keep him from doing harm to himself and others.

 _ **manetales9:**_ that's quite a job

 **CowboyDan86:** tell me about it. he’s a nightmare.

Michael bristled at that. Nightmare?! Pretty sure Dan meant “fun”.

 _ **manetales9:**_ it can't be as bad as all that.

 **CowboyDan86:** oh believe me, it can be. i can't tell if he’s doing it just to fuck with me or if he honestly doesn't realize how dangerous or ridiculous his actions are.

“Pretty sure you mean, ‘fun,’ Daniel!” Michael said it out loud this time, frowning at the computer screen. The nerd just didn't know what he was missing by being such a dick in the mud.

 _ **manetales9:**_ pretty sure some would call that “adventure”. :)

 **CowboyDan86:** well, whatever you call it it's giving me an ulcer. anyway. something you wanted to talk about?

 _ **manetales9:**_ just wanted to chat.

 **CowboyDan86:** oh.

 _ **manetales9:**_ ...is that a problem?

 **CowboyDan86:** no, no! no, definitely not, i’m just surprised. 

_**manetales9:**_ why?

 **CowboyDan86:** i dunno. people just usually don't find me that interesting i guess.

“That’s ‘cause you’re a nerd, nerd,” Michael chortled.

 _ **manetales9:**_ oh come on, i find that hard to believe. :)

 **CowboyDan86:** really?

 _ **manetales9:**_ yeah!

 **CowboyDan86:** wow, that's really nice of you. what did you want to talk about?

 _ **manetales9:**_ anything you want. :) what else are you into, besides horses?

 **CowboyDan86:** well...

* * *

Dan was probably getting his hopes up over nothing. His new reader, John, had messaged him a few times since their first conversation. He was nice, and interesting, and he thought Dan was interesting too, which was a bit novel. He hadn't had much of a chance to make friends since he came to the west coast; he was too busy trying to get a handle on his new job and his new partner. It didn't leave a whole lot of time for socializing.

But John was nice, and it was so nice to talk to someone who seemed to share lot of his interests. He had casually asked him what state he was in the other night, and was delighted when he had said California. Even if they didn't meet for a long while still, it was exciting to know it was a possibility.

Maybe they could become digital pen pals, at the very least. That would be fun.

His musings about it were interrupted by Michael entering his cubicle in a flurry of movement, talking at the speed of light about... something. Dan was already having trouble following his crazy train of thought.

He sighed as Michael made himself at home in the spare chair. It was going to be a long afternoon.


	2. Chapter 2

When it came to his job, Dan wasn't sure whether it was good or bad that he was starting to feel numb.

When he had accepted the position, he had no idea the level of hell he was signing up for.

It was just exhausting. To be constantly on edge, to be constantly worried that something terrible or gross or violent was going to happen when he got to the office. Anyone else would have become an alcoholic months ago, he was frankly astonished he had lasted as long as he did without day drinking.

The only things that kept him from quitting was his fear of The Chief, and the fact that his new friend had talked him out of it by offering to be a metaphorical shoulder to cry on.

 **CowboyDan86:** i’m thinking of quitting my job

 _ **manetales9:**_ what?! why? don't you like it?

 **CowboyDan86:** i used to. and there are parts of it that I still like, i love being a writer.

 _ **manetales9:**_ so what's the problem?

 **CowboyDan86:** my work partner. i’m just constantly on edge with all the crazy stuff he does. you wouldn't even believe me if i told you. i don't think i would want to get into it even if you did, it would just make me miserable.

 _ **manetales9:**_ yikes.

 **CowboyDan86:** that pretty much sums it up, yeah. it just feels like he’s TRYING to make my life harder. it's just frustrating; we’re supposed to be a team but i feel like he thinks we’re rivals.

 _ **manetales9:**_ maybe he doesn't realize it.

 **CowboyDan86:** i honestly have no idea anymore.

 _ **manetales9:**_ well, I'm always here, if you need me. if you need to vent or something. don't quit your job, daniel. you’re a good writer.

Dan reread the message. It felt like the only beacon of kindness he had seen since he moved to the west coast.

 **CowboyDan86:** thank you. seriously. I could really use a sympathetic ear.

 _ **manetales9:**_ no problem, cowboy. :)

* * *

Michael frowned at his computer. Dan was thinking of quitting. Because of him.

This was a lot less funny now. This was supposed to be fun; get Dan to talk about horses, maybe flirt with him a little, see what dorky confessions he could coax out of him online.

But now there were real feelings. Now he was feeling real sadness at the thought of Dan leaving. He'd lost partners before, sure. But they never _left_. Other people left him. Not his partners. They were supposed to be there, always. They were the only ones there.

 **CowboyDan86:** anyway, enough of my pity party. tell me more about you. i feel like i talk too much about myself. you have to be bored of me by now, even if you're too nice to actually say it.

 _ **manetales9:**_ haha, never.

 **CowboyDan86:** john. come on.

Michael's hands hovered over the keyboard. Dan wanted him to talk about himself more. That made him nervous.

The more he had to fabricate about “John” the harder it was going to be to remember details. Dan would get suspicious if the lies started to pile up and fight each other. And Michael didn't know if he could keep them untangled forever.

 _ **manetales9:**_ what do you want to know?

 **CowboyDan86:** anything you’re willing to tell me. you said you're from california, what part?

 _ **manetales9:**_ listen, dan... i don't know if i'm comfortable telling you a ton of details like that... i mean, stranger danger, and all that? i can't get those psa’s from the 90s warning me that you might actually be a supervillain out of my head. o_o

 **CowboyDan86:** yeah... fair enough i guess. same could be said about you, technically. :)

 _ **manetales9:**_ that's exactly right. i could be a scammer in arabia somewhere. ;)

 **CowboyDan86:** are you a scammer from arabia?

 _ **manetales9:**_ not that i'm aware of, but the point still stands.

 **CowboyDan86:** no incriminating details, then.

 _ **manetales9:**_ no last names, no cities, no places of work, no pictures, no phone numbers?

 **CowboyDan86:** a thorough list if ever there was one. if you insist, i will comply.

 _ **manetales9:**_ good. thank you.

 **CowboyDan86:** what can we talk about, then?

 _ **manetales9:**_ hobbies, interests, favorite movies, favorite bands, the most embarrassing clubs we were in in college...? the list goes on, daniel.

 **CowboyDan86:** ok, ok, fair. you first. :) 

_**manetales9:**_ don't mind if i do. :)

* * *

It was a strange dichotomy, how simultaneously stressed out and happy he was at the same time.

Work was the stressor. Between the complete car wreck that was his attempt to get Michael off of drugs, and the near-catastrophe of the horrible Nicolas Cage article, Dan felt like he was just dodging one minefield only to fall immediately into another.

The only beacon of light was his new friendship. That was the happiest part of his day; John never failed to make him feel better, no matter what hell Michael had put him through during work hours.

Their messaging was becoming more frequent, and always lasted well into the evening. They talked about unimportant, random things like pop culture and the best potato chip flavor (Dan would stand by salt and vinegar until the day he died, no matter how many times John called him a monster for it), but they talked about meaningful stuff too. John was hesitant to give too many details, but from what he was willing to share, Dan could guess that he'd had a rough time growing up.

Though he couldn't personally identify in the same exact way, he still hoped his friend could feel the empathy Dan had for him, and his openness to be a pillar of support if he needed it. Lord knew John was a pillar of support for him, in his ceaseless struggle to handle his partner's ever-evolving carnival of horrors.

_Ba-da-ling!_

The message bar at the bottom of his screen flashed, and Dan clicked on it.

 _ **manetales9:**_ virtual nightcap?

Dan grinned.

 **CowboyDan86:** you read my mind.

 _ **manetales9:**_ one of my many talents. what'll it be, cowboy?

 **CowboyDan86:** all i have is some cheap whiskey, i'm afraid.

 _ **manetales9:**_ haha, sounds perfect. i think i have some some good ole jameson around here somewhere. that'll probably be my poison of choice.

 **CowboyDan86:** that's a funny coincidence.

 _ **manetales9:**_ what is?

 **CowboyDan86:** jameson seems to be my partner's poison of choice too. i think he keeps a bottle of it in his desk drawer at all times, honestly.

 _ **manetales9:**_ haha, smart guy.

 **CowboyDan86:** ha! now THAT'S funny.

 _ **manetales9:**_ take the mickey out of your partner later, go get that drink!

 **CowboyDan86:** going, going!

Dan chortled as he got up from his desk and made his way into his kitchen. He grabbed a glass and plunked a couple of ice cubes into it, then snagged the bottle of whiskey by the neck as he returned to his desk.

 **CowboyDan86:** whiskey acquired.

 _ **manetales9:**_ most excellent. pour a drink and let's make a toast, cowboy.

 **CowboyDan86:** haha, what are we toasting?

 _ **manetales9:**_ anything. what do people normally toast to?

The ice cubes tinkled as Dan poured the whiskey over them.

 **CowboyDan86:** each other, mostly.

 _ **manetales9:**_ then that's what we'll do. to you, daniel! *clink!*

Dan chuckled, a feeling warm and bubbly settling into his ribcage. He raised his glass silently toward his computer screen, wishing fervently for the chance to raise a toast with his friend in real life someday.

 **CowboyDan86:** cheers. and to you, john. :)

Dan took a gulp, the cheap liquor burning all the way down and making him cough. He needed to invest in better alcohol, ugh.

 **CowboyDan86:** thanks for the nightcap. :) i'm gonna buy you a drink for real someday.

 _ **manetales9:**_ anytime, friend. :) and i know you will. and i'm ordering top shelf. :)

 **CowboyDan86:** haha, well in that case, offer rescinded! :P

 _ **manetales9:**_ nope, no take-backs. :P

 **CowboyDan86:** that's what you think. :D goodnight, john.

 _ **manetales9:**_ goodnight, daniel. :)

* * *

Michael couldn't help himself anymore. He'd been to Dan's apartment before, loads of times, but never when Dan was there.

Now he just couldn't help himself. He slipped through the door with his copy of Dan's apartment key, and gave himself a moment to adjust to the darkness.

He slinked through the living room and through Dan's open door. A meager amount of light was forcing its way through Dan's cheap blinds from the streetlight outside, and he could hear the slow in and out of Dan's breath.

It was fascinating; seeing stuffy, nerdy Dan dressed down to pajamas, his glasses waiting for him on the bedside table, along with a history book and a box of tissues.

Fucking nerd. Michael had to get the guy some real porn; he couldn't let him get away with that.

He sat on the floor beside Dan's bed, watching his partner's face keenly. It was relaxed and open in a way he never was at work, and Michael couldn't help but wonder if he looked like this when he was talking to "John" too.

He stayed until real light started to creep through the blinds, and Michael knew that Dan would be waking up soon. He was unexpectedly seized by the desire to see that; Dan fuzzy with sleep and sporting morning wood. He wondered if Dan took care of his morning boners, or if he was a spoilsport that ignored them until they went away. Probably the second one, and Michael surprised himself even more by suddenly wanting to be the one who broke Dan of that habit.

He left before he could have any other Dan-themed sexy thoughts.

* * *  
**CowboyDan86:** i’m having the worst week of my life.

 _ **manetales9:**_ wow, that sounds heavy. what's going on?

 **CowboyDan86:** my partner is missing. there was this whole thing with leaked comedy articles, so he got fired, and now he's missing. my boss thinks he's dead.

 _ **manetales9:**_ wow, dead?

 **CowboyDan86:** which i'm really really REALLY hoping isn't true. mike drove me crazy, but i wouldn't ever wish him dead. i’m going insane trying to find him.

 _ **manetales9:**_ wow, man, sorry to hear that. wish i could help. i’m sure things will all work out.

 **CowboyDan86:** god i hope so. thanks for listening, it really helps, stupid as that may sound.

 _ **manetales9:**_ of course, anything i can do to help.

 **CowboyDan86:** thanks.

 _ **manetales9:**_ no problem. listen, i'm sorry to do this to you, but unfortunately I have to run. :( you going to be ok?

 **CowboyDan86:** oh. ok. yeah, i'll be alright.

 _ **manetales9:**_ you sure?

 **CowboyDan86:** yeah. it's fine, honestly. i know you have a real life, i need to stop keeping you from it.

 _ **manetales9:**_ don't be so hard on yourself. i love talking to you; it's real life that gets in the way of that. i'll talk to you tomorrow, ok?

 **CowboyDan86:** ok. goodnight.

 _ **manetales9:**_ goodnight.

Michael snuck a glance around. He couldn't stay here long, he was supposed to be off the grid. He snuck back out of the window of the pizzeria, and glanced back to make sure he had closed the office door behind him.

Yes. He was practically a ninja. He patted himself on the back as he walked down the street.

He pickpocketed a guy in a suit who was too busy on his phone to notice. He used the cash from his wallet to buy some chilli dogs from a street vendor and sat down in the sand of the beach to eat them.

He congratulated himself on keeping up appearances with his online persona. Dan would be none the wiser.

He didn't really want to believe that Dan had been selling them out to Broken.com. (Broked-ed? Brokened? Whatever. THE ENEMY.) But it was there, they were signed T-Bone. It was a clever hide, using the nickname Michael gave him to sneak info along.

But he couldn't let Dan get fired. He just couldn't. What if he left the west coast? Even if Michael got kicked out of Cracked, he could still see Dan. It was just a matter of jiggling the right part of his window and slipping inside. But Dan might LEAVE leave if he got fired, and Michael didn't want that. Even if he talked to Dan every day online, as John, it wouldn't be the same. He was starting to like Real Life Dan too.

Real Life Dan thought he was dead, though. Or might be dead, whatever. It made him feel weirdly good that Dan was having a bad week because of it. Because he thought Michael might be dead.

Michael smiled at the thought as he finished his second chilli dog. It felt good, knowing he was missed.

He imagined Dan staring longingly at Michael’s empty desk. Of him wiping his tears with his tie, lamenting Michael’s absence.

Michael had never seen Dan in anything but his shirt-vest-tie combo, or pajamas. He knew he owned other clothes, Michael had obviously been through all of Dan’s closets and drawers by now, but he had never personally seen Dan in them.

Which is why when Dan called his name on the beach, he didn’t recognize him. The weird creature before him was in ripped jeans and a plain white t-shirt, and no glasses to speak of. The thought of Dan actually wearing anything like that hadn't crossed his mind.

But Dan was happy to see him, and that felt good. And he helped Michael get his job back at Cracked, which was even better. All was right with the world, even if his head exploded. Minor setback.

* * *

 **CowboyDan86:** well i’ve had a weird week.

 _ **manetales9:**_ oh yeah?

 **CowboyDan86:** like you wouldn't believe. i’m so glad it's over and i can go back to the weird i’m used to.

 _ **manetales9:**_ ever find your partner?

 **CowboyDan86:** god, yeah. that's a crazy story i'd prefer to forget.

 **CowboyDan86:** i mean don't get me wrong, i'm super glad he's ok, it's just really crazy how it all happened. i'd kind of like to forget about it and just get back to the crazy i'm used to.

 _ **manetales9:**_ i can help with that. :)

 **CowboyDan86:** you're the best. you really are.

 _ **manetales9:**_ haha, you're too kind. hey, did you see ponyhorsel's comment on your blog post about the devon horse show?


	3. Chapter 3

**CowboyDan86:** do you ever feel like you’ve fallen into some bizarro universe with no way to escape?

 _ **manetales9:**_ ...bad day at work?

 **CowboyDan86:** the worst. i’m not even going to go into all of it because it is literally too weird to be believed.

 **CowboyDan86:** i find myself saying that far too frequently these days. what has my life become? i used to have a normal life.

 **CowboyDan86:** anyway my partner had this dumb idea that we needed to prank our rival website, and because he's a walking menace to society he of course wanted to take it way, waaaaaaaaay too far and we ended up in trouble. i never even had a detention in my whole life and now i’m getting busted being caught in some dumb prank rivalry! what is happening to me?

“You’re learning how to have fun, you nerd,” Michael sighed, shaking his head. Dan was such a worry wart.

 _ **manetales9:**_ i’m sure your partner didn't mean to get you in trouble. the way you talk about him makes me think that he just wants you to open up a little, take some risks. have some adventure!

 **CowboyDan86:** adventure that ends in property damage and probably the worst human interaction i’ve ever had.

 _ **manetales9:**_ it couldn't be that bad. what happened?

 **CowboyDan86:** nevermind, i don't want to talk about it.

 _ **manetales9:**_ you sure?

 **CowboyDan86:** maybe eventually, but right now i’m still too worked up about it.

 _ **manetales9:**_ hey, serious talk, you okay?

There was a long pause. Michael tapped his foot impatiently. Come on, Dan, easy question, it's a yes or no.

 **CowboyDan86:** i will be. eventually. i’m just really in my head about it right now. sorry.

 _ **manetales9:**_ it's ok. i’m here when you need me. i care about you.

Michael bit his lip as he waited for Dan’s reply. It seemed like the right time to place that gamble, but Dan surprised him sometimes. Which in itself was surprising, because Dan could be so boring and predictable 99% of the time.

 **CowboyDan86:** thank you. seriously. that means a lot to me. i care about you too.

Victory! Michael felt a surprising trickle of real warmth in his chest. He reached a hand up and placed it over his heart, frowning. That wasn't normal. Was he dying?!

“What have you done to me, Daniel?” he asked out loud, frowning at the computer and squinting suspiciously. East coast witch magic!

 **CowboyDan86:** can we talk about something that isn't my insane job? honestly that's what would help me feel better right now.

Michael rubbed his chest a moment longer, thinking. Yes. He needed a distraction too.

 _ **manetales9:**_ of course. whatever you want to talk about.

* * *

 _ **manetales9:**_ howdy cowboy. :)

 **CowboyDan86:** hello! :) how are you?

 _ **manetales9:**_ great. how about you?

 **CowboyDan86:** honestly, fantastic. :) today was a bit of a weird one.

 **CowboyDan86:** i mean my job is always weird, but today ended up really good.

 _ **manetales9:**_ haha, yeah? what happened?

 **CowboyDan86:** my partner is insane, but he has these moments where he's absolutely brilliant. we had a bit of legal trouble (his fault, because of course it was) but he burst in and rattled off all the reasons why they couldn't sue us. it was amazing! almost enough to make me forget that he got us in trouble in the first place.

 _ **manetales9:**_ nice. :) sounds like he saved the day, haha

 **CowboyDan86:** he actually did. i was so proud! he was incredible.

Michael smiled, and the warm feeling bubbled up in his chest again. He was starting to get used to it now, even though he still suspected east coast magic was at play. Possibly voodoo.

But Dan said he was proud of him. _Proud_ of _him_. He'd never said that before, and Michael wanted to hear it again.

* * *

Dan was a little drunk. Which wasn't entirely unheard of, alcohol still helped him get through the day at Cracked sometimes, but he had never been a little drunk and talking to John at 1am before.

1am, yeah, they stayed up late together all the time, just talking. But drunk and 1am and John in combination was new.

 _ **manetales9:**_ can i ask a personal question?

 **CowboyDan86:** i’m feeling charitable, so sure. :)

 _ **manetales9:**_ oh well why thank you, your majesty. :P

 **CowboyDan86:** you are most welcome, humble citizen.

 _ **manetales9:**_ oh lord, what have i done? i'm not calling you king daniel, just so you know. :D

 **CowboyDan86:** off with his head!

 _ **manetales9:**_ hahaha

 **CowboyDan86:** lol. :) seriously, though, what did you want to know?

 _ **manetales9:**_ i was just a bit curious about your preferences?

 **CowboyDan86:** for...?

 _ **manetales9:**_ oh you innocent child. sexual preferences, daniel.

 **CowboyDan86:** oh.

 _ **manetales9:**_ that's not too personal, is it?

 **CowboyDan86:** no, it's just i've already told you i'm dating mandy now.

 _ **manetales9:**_ yeah i know, but that doesn't mean one can't enjoy other options.

 **CowboyDan86:** and you assume that i do?

 _ **manetales9:**_ it's just a curiosity, dan. i'm not assuming anything, that's the point.

 **CowboyDan86:** right. well. so far in my life i’ve proven straight, so.

 _ **manetales9:**_ but you’re not ruling out other options...?

 **CowboyDan86:** technically, no. i had a friend in high school who was very firmly a lesbian for quite a long time, but she ended up falling in love with a man. they’re happily married now, even though she still finds women sexually attractive. it was just him, you know? he was the Right One, so his gender ended up not mattering to her. the point is i’ve seen it first hand, so i know it happens. who knows? maybe that could happen to me too. i don't want to turn down the love of my life just because their driver’s licence has an “m” instead of an “f” on it.

 _ **manetales9:**_ wow, you’ve really thought about this.

 **CowboyDan86:** a bit, yeah.

 _ **manetales9:**_ that's cool. it’s good that you’re open to that, a lot of people aren't.

 **CowboyDan86:** are you?

 _ **manetales9:**_ am i what?

 **CowboyDan86:** open to that.

 _ **manetales9:**_ oh yeah. i see sexuality as an ever-evolving spectrum; there is always room for exploration. :)

 **CowboyDan86:** and you’ve done a lot of exploring?

 _ **manetales9:**_ are you angling for a sexy story, cowboy? :)

Dan’s face burned. John had expertly called him out before Dan had even realized that that was what he did, in fact, want. He shifted uncomfortably in his seat and took another swallow of his drink.

 **CowboyDan86:** no, no, just curious.

 _ **manetales9:**_ i’ve done my fair share.

 **CowboyDan86:** is it really different, having sex with the same gender?

 _ **manetales9:**_ yes and no. a lot of the same things are universal; people like kissing, people like foreplay, people like mixing it up with positions. the main difference is that i think it's actually easier when it comes to dealing with people’s actual equipment. if you have a dick and your partner has a dick, you already know what dicks like, so getting them off is easier.

 **CowboyDan86:** huh. never thought about that.

 _ **manetales9:**_ happy to be opening your eyes to a whole new world of possibility. :)

 **CowboyDan86:** i'm not saying i’m going to run out and do it! i’m just saying it's interesting.

 _ **manetales9:**_ haha, alright.

Dan took another swallow of his drink, grimacing at the sharp, bitter burn. He _had_ to invest in better whiskey.

He shifted a little in his seat, and realized he was hard. The embarrassed flush on his cheeks intensified and he downed the rest of his whiskey with a groan.

Jesus, if the general, vague way they had been talking about sex was enough to get him hard, he really was as pathetic as Michael was always telling him.

 **CowboyDan86:** i’m gonna log off, if that's alright. this whiskey is really getting to me tonight.

 _ **manetales9:**_ suuuuuuure that's the reason. everybody whacks it, daniel, there’s nothing to be ashamed about! :)

 **CowboyDan86:** oh lord in heaven shut the fuck up that is NOT why i’m logging off!

 _ **manetales9:**_ keep telling yourself that, cowboy. :)

 **CowboyDan86:** GOODNIGHT, JOHN

 _ **manetales9:**_ goodnight, daniel! :D

Dan logged off with shaky hands. He was embarrassed, and still turned on, and flushed from the tips of his ears to the middle of his chest. While he could blame most of it on the alcohol, he couldn't blame all of it.

Most of the time he was pretty good at denying when his conversations with John took on a flirty edge, but it was getting increasingly hard to do.

The most damning evidence was how much he liked it. John had this amazing, roundabout way of flirting that drew Dan in and made him eager to play along. He really should put a stop to it, he had a girlfriend now, but by the time he usually realized he was being flirted with it was too late.

He didn't want to think about it anymore, so he got ready for bed and crashed gratefully onto his mattress. Whether he got himself off was neither here nor there.

* * *

When Sarge asked them to create a Facebook page, Michael wanted to do it himself. He wanted Dan to be proud of him for doing something for Cracked without his help.

He couldn't tell Dan that, obviously. There’d be no point if he felt obligated to say it, Dan had to do it on his own.

It would have helped if Michael knew what a Facebook was, but he figured he would be able to fudge it. That didn't entirely go according to plan, but he had a pretty good excuse.

He didn't like the fact that Dan was dating Mandy. She wasn't good enough for him. He told Dan to just put his dick in the CD tray of his computer if he wanted to fuck someone Michael had so badly, it would have been a lot easier and wouldn't distract him so much. He didn't like to share Dan's attention.

He especially didn't like to share Dan's attention as "John.” But that was almost all Dan could ask him about.

 **CowboyDan86:** i just wish she would give me more of a chance to show her how good of a boyfriend i can be.

Michael frowned. Hadn't stopped frowning since Dan messaged him, and he just knew it would be about Mandy. His stomach felt sour; Windex and jet ski polish sour, with an iodine shot chaser. He hated this. He couldn't play this game anymore.

 _ **manetales9:**_ look, man, i don't know what to tell you. honestly? she seems like a bitch to me. she treats you like crap from what i can tell, i don't know why you're wasting your time.

 **CowboyDan86:** wow, fuck you. you don't know anything about her.

Michael felt like Dan had hit him. He knew he wouldn't like what "John” had to say, but he didn't think Dan would get that aggressive. Despite himself, he felt angry tears spring to his eyes.

 _ **manetales9:**_ fuck you too, then. i'm just trying to help.

**CowboyDan86 has logged off.**

Michael sat back, stunned. Dan was pissed. Royally pissed. He could feel it like a ripple in the space-time continuum, like the radioactive pulses of a dying star. It felt even worse than his Windex and jet ski polish stomach.

Fuck.


	4. Chapter 4

Dan felt like crap. He had never fought with John before; he had never had a reason. Normally his friend was so kind, so understanding. The harsh things he had said about Mandy felt like a slap in the face when he had been expecting a hug. It hurt, more than he thought it would, to have someone he thought was his closest friend tell him his girlfriend was a bitch.

It was just the crap icing on the shitty week he was having. He was still nursing the black eye Michael had given him during his stupid prank war, and he hadn't spoken to John since Dan had told him to fuck off. He hadn't felt this low since his second month at Cracked, before he started day drinking.

He hadn't realized how much he had come to rely on John's steady, dependable presence in his life. Even if it was all online, it felt like the most genuine connection he had with anyone. It physically pained him to be without it, but he just couldn't swallow his pride enough to apologize yet. The insult still smarted, and he couldn't let go of how much he wanted to please Mandy, no matter how hard it was.

Fuck.

* * *

A dinner party. That's what grown ups did when they wanted to be friends, right? They had people over and did their best to impress them? He was pretty sure he had seen that in movies.

He set the plan in motion. Dan loved power points, right? That would be the best way to show him Michael was serious.

He set it up, but he was too impatient to wait for Dan to wake up and come to work on his own, so Michael devised a shortcut plan.

Dan wasn't quite as fun after huffing paint as Michael was hoping, but at least he was open to coming to Michael's dinner party.

It felt like being crushed with Wile E. Coyote's anvil when he wanted to bring Mandy, though. Michael had to fight hard to keep the disappointment off his face, even if Dan was six cans deep. He didn't want him to decide not to come if he couldn't bring his girlfriend. That would ruin everything.

* * *

Dan stared at the blinking cursor in the blank, waiting email.

He just needed to do it. Just man up, and fucking apologize already.

If he was being honest with himself, that wasn't the part that was tying his stomach up in knots, and he knew that. Fuck, if he was having trouble admitting it to himself, how on earth was be going to admit it to John?

Not for the first time, he wished he could go back to his old life on the east coast. Things were easier there; back there he felt like he actually knew himself. It was simpler, safer. He felt like he actually recognized the guy in the mirror, unlike the stranger he saw now.

“Fuck,” he said out loud, and then again for good measure, "Jesus Christ, O'Brien, get a fucking grip.”

He blew out a sharp breath. Just do it. It couldn’t end up any worse than it was at that moment.

_John,_

_I just wanted to start off by saying I'm sorry. You were being honest with me and I punished you for that. I'm a colossal jerk. I hope you can forgive me._

_I miss you a lot. I didn't realize how lonely I was until I had no one to talk to. You’re the most dependable person in my life, believe it or not, and not having you there felt like a big hole I didn't know what to do with. I'm sure that sounds stupid, but it's true._

_The point is, you were right about Mandy. I'm not sure why she even agreed to date me, honestly. Maybe just to shut me up. Either way, she didn't give a shit about me and you were right. Even Michael told me Mandy treated me like crap._ Michael _, and I've told you how oblivious he can be._

_There's one potentially good thing that's come of all this. I say potentially because honestly at this point the universe's tendency to fuck me over is way more likely, but if I don't cling to some hope I'll throw myself off the pier and into the sea._

_The potentially good thing is that all of this has forced me to be honest with myself about some things._

_Michael took me out a few weeks ago when I was moping about Mandy breaking up with me. He’s a better friend than I give him credit for. Anyway, he heard the pretty bartender talking about Spiderman so he set me up with the opportunity to talk to her alone. And she was great, she was really nice and she actually seemed interested in what I had to say. I probably could have asked for her number and she would have picked up when I called her._

_But I couldn't bring myself to do it. Part of me wanted to, and thought that I should. But I kept thinking about you._

_Tell me if I've overstepped my bounds here. I'll never bother you again if you tell me I've got it completely wrong. But I can't help but feel like you might feel the same way I do. It took me a while to realize it, because I'm an idiot, but..._

_I've got a lot of strong feelings for you. Like I said, if you don't feel the same way, it's fine. I understand. I'd just be kicking myself forever if I didn't at least try._

_Anyway. I really hope to hear from you, but I'll understand if I don't. If I don't, I just want you to know that I wish you all the best, in whatever you do in life._

_Love, Daniel_

He reread the email. Fuck, this was a risk. He'd decided to leave out the awkward threesome with Michael and Kelly. It had sealed the deal for him, had made him unequivocally sure that he wasn't just imagining his feelings for John. But John didn't need to be privy to that. It was awkward enough that Dan had to remember it.

He didn't read it again before he sent it. It would just make him second guess himself or make him even more anxious for what he was sure was his ultimate humiliation.

Fuck.

* * *

Fuck.

It wasn't supposed to go this far.

Michael reread Dan's email to "John” for the millionth time. And for the millionth time, he couldn't feel anything even close to the satisfaction he thought he'd feel. The satisfaction of a perfectly executed con, the perfect, long-game prank.

That wasn't what he felt at all, no matter how hard he tried or how many times he read Dan's email.

All he could feel was the hot flush of shame and anxiety simmering in his chest at the thought that this was going to hurt Dan. No matter what he did, that was going to happen and it was all his fault.

_I kept thinking about you._

_I've got a lot of strong feelings for you._

And despite himself, Michael couldn’t help but have feelings back. For both versions of Dan; the one he saw in the office everyday and the one who had sat at his keyboard and written the words that were currently making Michael's insides feel like hot, soupy chili.

He wanted to throw up and explode at the same time. Dan had feelings for him. He wanted to sneak through Dan's window right now and kiss the stupid nerd until he forgot how to breathe.

But he couldn't. Because it wasn't Michael that Dan had feelings for, it was "John".

He was selfish. Other people had told him that, but he didn't believe it until now. He just wanted Dan, and if this was the only way he could have him so be it.

_Daniel,_

_You're not wrong. And I'm sorry too. I was pretty harsh on you about Mandy. Honestly... I think I was just jealous._

_I have a lot of strong feelings too. Like... a lot._

_Please don't throw yourself into the sea. I'd miss you a lot. I have missed you a lot, I hated us not talking._

_I don't ever want us to not talk like that again. I don't want us to do anything but talk everyday, forever._

_I hope you want that to._

_Love, John_

* * *

 **CowboyDan86:** i just read your email. i think i need to be clear, just so everything's out there in the open. i’m kind of in love with you. that's what i meant by "strong feelings”. i was just too afraid to say it outright.

Dan stared at the message for a long time. There would be no going back from this, once it was said. The words would be out there.

He took a breath, and pressed send.

* * *

_I'm kind of in love with you._

The warm, fluttery feeling in his chest was back. Michael rubbed a hand over his heart, and he couldn't stop smiling.

Why couldn't he stop smiling? He felt like the Joker; stuck with a perpetual smile.

 _ **manetales9:**_ i’m in love with you too.

The threesome with Kelly Wheeler had sealed it. He couldn't have planned it better himself; honestly he was thinking of sending her a fruit basket or something. Isn't that what people did when they wanted to show gratitude to someone?

Dan was the nerd for him. He wasn't sure how that happened, but it was true. Actually being able to touch him like Michael had been dying to touch him for ages just made it all that much clearer to him. Even if it involved a third person.

 **CowboyDan86:** god, this is so insane. we don't even know what the other one looks like. it is weird that that's kind of a relief for me? i don't know, it just makes me feel like this is right; like the feelings have to be honest because physical appearance doesn't factor into it. is that weird?

 _ **manetales9:**_ makes sense to me.

 **CowboyDan86:** can i be a total asshole now and ask for a picture? you’re kind of just this vague, human-ish blob in my brain that i’d really like to put a face to.

Michael hesitated. Obviously he couldn't do that, but what would he tell Dan to put him off? Horrible disfigurement? Lack of a Webcam? Actually an alien? Witness protection?

 **CowboyDan86:** sorry, i can tell already that you're not too keen on that.

 _ **manetales9:**_ nothing personal. i’m just not ready for that. this is still kind of crazy. i can promise you i'm not a hideous frankenstein creature, if that helps.

 **CowboyDan86:** haha, noted. it wouldn't matter to me if you were, though, you know. full disclosure, i’m not a supermodel, so it would be pretty hypocritical of me to be judgemental of anyone else.

 _ **manetales9:**_ not a supermodel?! what?! dealbreaker. :P

 **CowboyDan86:** gee, thanks. i see how much you really care. :)

 _ **manetales9:**_ haha. what if I'M a supermodel?

 **CowboyDan86:** dealbreaker. everyone will ask me how i managed to trick you into being with me. or how much i'm paying you. :D

 _ **manetales9:**_ my hourly rate is $500.

 **CowboyDan86:** too expensive for me. guess it was nice knowing you.

 _ **manetales9:**_ haha, maybe i can arrange a discount. since you're so sweet and all. ;)

 **CowboyDan86:** i'm honored. :)

 _ **manetales9:**_ only for you, cowboy.  <3

 **CowboyDan86:** confession... i really, REALLY like it when you call me that. i'm a fucking cliche.

 _ **manetales9:**_ haha, little bit. but, confession... i really like calling you that. :) so i don't really see a problem, i'd say.

 **CowboyDan86:** my god, we're gross.

 _ **manetales9:**_ yep. :) i think we deserve it.

 **CowboyDan86:** i love you.

Michael smiled all the wider, his heart feeling light and bubbly.

 _ **manetales9:**_ love you too.


	5. Chapter 5

Dan was different. He was so much more relaxed, more patient, less short tempered. Being in a good relationship suited him, Mandy was an idiot for not seeing how great Dan was.

Her loss was Michael's gain, both online and real life.

Dan was just so... sweet. Everyday, he would message "John" as soon as he got online, asking him how his day went, what his plans were for the evening, what he thought of the most recent movie trailers... anything and everything in between. Michael had never had that before; someone who cared if he had a good day or not, or who always cared about what he thought. Dan always did.

* * *

Dan was having a bit of a crisis.

He loved John. He really did, and that had surprised him. He was lucky in that he had grown up in a very liberal household, so the concept of being gay had never had the negative association it did for so many straight men he knew.

So the shock of realizing he was in love with a man had been something he had been able to work through without it being an earth-shattering upheaval to his life. He still liked women too, still watched and enjoyed straight porn; it was just John. He made Dan feel good and cared about him, and no matter what he looked like Dan knew that when the day finally came that they could meet, he would have no hesitation about kissing him.

No, what was making him have a crisis was the fact that he suddenly found himself caring about Michael far more than he even thought he would. Caring about him in a way that was entirely inappropriate for work partners. Entirely inappropriate for someone who was already in love with someone else.

But Michael... he was different these days. Dan couldn't put his finger on it, but his partner just seemed... happier. More agreeable, less destructive, eager to please. Dan didn't want to look a gift horse in the mouth, so he didn't question it, but he couldn't help the way it made him feel; the level of affection that bubbled up in his chest when Michael beamed happily at him across the desk.

He didn't realize how in over his head he was until Michael wasn't acting like Michael. It wasn't just his job in jeopardy, it was the fact that he was losing the weird, sometimes dangerous, sometimes sweet, always strange and never boring Michael that he had come to love.

Getting him to give up the tie and be that crazy partner Dan was used to again wasn't just about keeping his job; it was about keeping his friend, exactly the way he was, insanity and all.

Hence the crisis. He loved Michael, that was becoming clear to him. He also loved John, and the thought of being disloyal to him filled him with shame and guilt.

He found consolation in the fact that he and Michael would never happen. It couldn't. They were partners, and friends, and Dan had already seen first-hand the crazy, _American Beauty_ fever dream that was Michael's personal life. He would never be able to live like that, so even if Michael ever showed a real, genuine interest in him and not just his typical wheelhouse of flirting with anything that had a pulse... Dan could still say no. He _would_ say no. He had to.

* * *

 **CowboyDan86:** i think we should meet.

Michael read that sentence with dread. Things were going so well, the idea of gambling all of that on how well Dan would take the truth made his stomach feel like it was full of dirt. Heavy, gritty, and peppered with rocks. He had learned his lesson first hand on how uncomfortable digesting dirt was, so he was not keen on the fact that his body was trying to replicate the experience.

 _ **manetales9:**_ i don't know, dan...

 **CowboyDan86:** i'm telling you, love, i'm really not shallow. i want you, no matter what.

 _ **manetales9:**_ what if i'm shallow? what if I break your heart?

 **CowboyDan86:** i don't believe you.

 _ **manetales9:**_ i could be. you don't know.

 **CowboyDan86:** john. come on. why are you so afraid? do you not really love me?

 _ **manetales9:**_ of course i do. how dare you.

 **CowboyDan86:** ok, ok! i'm just saying, i don't understand why. i just want to see you.

 _ **manetales9:**_ i know. someday, ok? things are just... complicated.

 **CowboyDan86:** ...are you already in a relationship?

 _ **manetales9:**_ no! no. i really can't explain right now, but i promise i will. ok?

There was a long pause, and Michael tapped on his knee impatiently.

 **CowboyDan86:** ok

* * *

It was the fucking Chief’s Meeting that did it. Crumpled his resolve like a semen-wet tissue.

Fucking domesticity, man. He thought he was above that crap.

But Dan, cooking, wearing an _apron_ for God’s sake and talking about learning to cook because he lived alone and didn't like going out to restaurants...

It was just too much. Michael wanted to see that all the time, always. Dan cooking them breakfast in nothing but that apron, sex with Dan on the kitchen table after a meal, fuck, just giving Dan someone to cook for so he wouldn't be lonely anymore...

He was doomed. Doomed, doomed, doomed. Goddammit.

* * *

 _ **manetales9:**_ i'Il be at the santa monica pier friday night of next week. i'll be wearing white, and i'll wait for you under the entrance archway. can you make it?

 **CowboyDan86:** of course, yes! yes! i can't wait to see you.  <3

The stomach full of dirt feeling was back. Dan was going to hate him. He just knew it. He'd hate him for such a big lie.

But he didn't want to do it anymore. He didn't want to lie. He hated having Dan so close to him every day but not being allowed to touch. Not being allowed to call him cowboy and watch him blush like the total nerd he was.

Dan was going to hate him, and he was never going to do those things, but he couldn't keep up the promise of having it someday and knowing that was a lie.

Maybe Dan wouldn't. He hoped he wouldn't. He wanted with all his heart for Dan not to hate him, for him to forgive Michael for his lie and still love him.

Things worked out for him, when he wanted them hard enough, maybe this would work out too.

But then they died.

* * *

 **CowboyDan86:** i'm leaving california.

Michael just stared at the message. He hated every letter of every word that made up that hateful sentence.

 **CowboyDan86:** you there?

 _ **manetales9:**_ i'm here.

 **CowboyDan86:** oh. are you mad? look... something's happened at work and i just don't know if i can be here for awhile. i'll explain better later, when i know exactly what i'm allowed to say about it. :/

 _ **manetales9:**_ ok

 **CowboyDan86:** i love you. you know that, right? i know things kind of suck right now, but i promise you things will work out. one way or another, i will make it work. i still want to see you on friday. i want that, at least, before i have to go back to the east coast.

 _ **manetales9:**_ i still want to see you on friday too.

 **CowboyDan86:** good. yes. i love you.

 _ **manetales9:**_ i love you too.

* * *

Michael snuck into Dan's apartment after Dan was asleep, a few days after their death.

The packed boxes stacked haphazardly around made him feel sick. He hadn't wanted to believe it, but here Dan was, just throwing his life into boxes like it was the easiest thing in the world.

He made his way to Dan's bedroom, treading carefully to avoid the cardboard fortresses. What could have been a fun thing for them to do (cardboard boxes made excellent living room castles) was now just a horrible symbol of Dan leaving him.

His partners weren't supposed to leave him. It had to be against the rules! Dan was not playing fair!

He cracked the blinds ever so slightly in Dan's bedroom, letting in a dozen little slivers of light from the street lamp outside. If his chances to watch Dan sleep were numbered, he wanted to actually _see_ his partner.

Michael sat under the window, facing Dan’s bed. If he woke up, Michael would just be a shadowy lump, indistinguishable from the piles of boxes and clothes already scattered about the room.

For a couple of hours, everything was peaceful. Dan continued to sleep, and Michael continued to watch.

"Michael?”

Michael startled a little at the sound of Dan's voice, and the gentle hand his partner had laid on his arm. He must have fallen asleep! Panic seized him and he froze, staring wide-eyed and guilty up at Dan.

He didn't seem mad. He wasn't yelling at Michael to go, or trying to pull him up off the floor so he could throw him out.

"Please don't leave, Dan,” Michael whispered, and Dan's face seemed to crumble, sadness taking over. Michael knew that look all too well; he had seen it in the mirror for the past couple of days.

"I have to, buddy,” Dan murmured, "I told you.”

"No you don't,” Michael pouted, reaching up and grabbing a fistful of Dan's sleep shirt. It was bed-warm and soft, and Michael wanted to wrap himself in it and never let go.

Dan just sighed, shaking his head. Michael hated it when he did that. It meant he thought Michael was stupid; he wasn't stupid!

"Just...” Dan bit his lip, and his hand on Michael's shoulder got a little bit tighter, “If you're going to stay here all night you might as well come up on the bed. You're going to be awfully stiff if you sleep on the floor.”

Michael stared open-mouthed at him. Dan had just invited him to sleep on his bed. With him!

"Just sleep, Michael,” Dan said seriously, "I'm too tired for any if your shenanigans. Just... go to sleep, and stick to your side of the bed, and I won't kick you out. Deal?”

Michael nodded solemnly, and let Dan pull him to his feet. Without another word they got into bed. Dan laid with his back to him, but that was okay; Michael could still watch Dan breathe.

"I won't last a week without you, Dan,” Michael said quietly, and Dan gave a heavy sigh.

"I can't talk about this tonight, Michael.”

"Why not?”

"I'm too tired, and I have too much on my mind already. Besides, we made a deal, remember? You'd go to sleep, and I wouldn't kick you out for breaking into my apartment?”

Michael huffed, but remained quiet. He watched Dan's side rise and fall with each breath, and marked the moment when Dan fell into sleep and his breathing became slow and even.

Ever so carefully, he scooted closer across the mattress until Dan was a scant inch away. Michael could feel the heat coming off his body, and he fought the urge to press up tight against Dan's back.

If Dan didn't take it well on Friday, this might be the only time he ever got to sleep in Dan's bed. He thought about that on loop as the minutes ticked by, until his brain couldn't fight sleep anymore either and he drifted off.

* * *

Michael Swaim was asleep in his bed.

He really never believed he would think that sentence. He never thought he would fake his own death, either, but here he was.

It was early, but light was coming in through the cracked blinds, filling the room with a warm, yellow glow. It was practically cozy, and with the warm cup of coffee in his hand it basically was.

He needed to wake Michael up. Dan should have woken Michael up when he had slowly pulled himself out of sleep only to find that his partner had spooned up against him during the night.

He spent a few agonizing seconds coming to terms with the fact that yes, that was definitely Michael’s crazy, weird-looking dick pressing hard against his ass, and yes; that was also definitely Michael’s hand up under the hem of his shirt, pressing open-palmed against his side.

He extracted himself as delicately as he could from Michael’s grip, and breathed a sigh of relief when Michael snuffled a little, but didn't wake.

Dan needed some time to get his head together.

He was meeting John in two days, then leaving the west coast for god-knew how long. He couldn't afford to let his complicated feelings about his partner tangle him up. He just couldn't.

He drank some more coffee, and watched the way the sunlight was illuminating the subtle highlights in Michael’s hair. He really was attractive; pointed nose and sweeping cheekbones, long lashes and the fucking _dimples_ when he smiled, jesus.

It made his guts feel like lives snakes to let himself think about that, so he quickly forced his brain away to other things. Like how much packing he had left to do. Ugh.

He made his way over to the bed and placed his coffee mug on the nightstand. Gently he reached out and rubbed Michael’s shoulder.

“Michael,” he called gently, giving him a tiny shake, “Michael, wake up, buddy.”

Michael made a little whiny sound and turned his head into the pillow, burying his face into the fabric.

“Come on, Mike, you gotta wake up.”

“No I don’t.”

Dan couldn't help but chortle at Michael’s childish, petulant tone, muffled by the pillow as it was.

“I'll make you breakfast if you get up so I can finish packing.”

“No.”

Worth a shot. Dan sighed, shaking his head. He could probably leave him to sleep, there was stuff in his living room he still had to put away. Michael shouldn't be able to cause too much trouble without Dan hearing it...

He picked up his coffee cup again and left the bedroom, taking a long drink as he went. He’d let Michael stay for now. It was the least he could do before he left.

* * *

Dan was sweating. He had always run hot, so that wasn't terribly different than most days he spent sweating, but this was more than that.

This was nervous sweat; the kind that was accompanied by the stereotypical stomach butterflies and weak, shaky knees.

He could do this. He was _definitely_ going to do this. He just couldn't stop his hands from trembling.

He shoved them in his pockets as he walked toward the entrance to the pier. All white. Standing under the left hand pillar.

He didn't see anyone who fit that description just yet, so he stood beside the pillar and waited. He shifted his weight nervously from side to side. He could do this.

“Howdy, cowboy.”

The voice came from slightly behind and to his left, and he held his breath as he turned around.

“Michael!” he huffed, irritated and on edge. He wasn't in the mood for Michael’s nonsense right now, his partner was not going to ruin this for him! “What the hell are you doing here?”

“I'm here to meet someone,” Michael said calmly, “same as you.”

“How did you even-?” the words dried up in his throat and died. He finally noticed what Michael was wearing. All white. Waiting for someone under the left hand pillar.

“No,” he croaked simply, “No.”

“Afraid so, partner,” Michael looked apologetic; shoulders rounded down and his usual flamboyant energy nowhere to be found.

Dan felt sick. Sick, and more angry than he had ever felt in his life. If they weren't in public he would be breaking Michael’s nose right now.

“Oh my god,” he wheezed, “No. Oh my fucking _god, Michael!_ How could you do this to me? This was just all some big joke to you, wasn't it?”

“Yes, but-”

“Oh my god!” Dan couldn't stop shaking. He turned his back and walked a few paces away, on the edge of hyperventilating.

The one thing, the _one thing_ in his life that had felt right, felt good and dependable and honest and it was all a fucking lie. It was Kelly Wheeler all over again.

“Dan, please, let me explain,” Michael touched his shoulder, and Dan almost exploded. He whipped back around, shoving Michael’s hand off of him.

“Don't you fucking touch me,” his voice came out as a harsh whisper. He didn't trust himself with more than that, or he might start screaming, “Don't you fucking talk to me, Michael. I don't want to hear you, and I don't want to see you, I don't want anything to do with you. You fucking-”

His voice cracked, and suddenly he was on the edge of tears. He couldn't deal with this. He couldn't deal with Michael and his big, doleful eyes and shameful hunch.

He turned away and committed all his strength to keeping himself to a steady walk, instead of straight-up running away.

Tears made his eyes burn, and his throat felt tight. He had never been so humiliated in his entire life.

The faster he could get back to the east coast, the better. He couldn't get out of there quick enough.


	6. Chapter 6

_**manetales9:**_ i emailed you. please read it.

 _ **manetales9:**_ dan. daniel. please read it.

 **CowboyDan86:** i’m blocking you, michael.

 _ **manetales9:**_ i’ll just create a new one. you can't keep avoiding me.

 **CowboyDan86:** yes i can.

 _ **manetales9:**_ but you don't want to.

**CowboyDan86 has logged off**

Dan looked at the unopened email. He should have just deleted it immediately. He should delete it right now.

He just kept staring at it instead. He had sent it from “John’s” email, the bastard. Emotional manipulation at its Michael-est.

But it was the fucking subject line. That's what twisted his heart up and kept him from pressing delete, like he should have as soon as it arrived in his inbox.

Subject: Saying I love you was never a lie

It made his eyes sting. He was so angry at him, but he missed “John” so much it made him heart-sick.

“Goddammit,” he whispered, rubbing a hand over his mouth, “Goddammit, Michael.”

_Dear Daniel,_

_I'm sorry I tricked you. It was just supposed to be a funny thing, just a way to see you talk about horses and maybe admit something embarrassing. Just a joke._

_But then you were really nice and no one is nice to me like that. Not even “real” you was nice to me like that. And online you was actually fun, not a boring mc-stuffy-pants like real life you._

_You were my best friend. I'd never had a best friend before. Which is hard to believe, as charming as I am, I know, but it's true._

_And then real life you started to be fun, and maybe kind of care about me? I think you did, anyway. I know I cared about you. Real life you and online you, Daniel. Why else do you think I had a dinner party? Or tried to cheer you up when Mandy broke up with you? Or wanted to have that threesome with you?_

_Then you said that you loved me and I loved you too. I've never loved anybody. I know that because you made my insides feel all soupy and my heart like a twitchy bug and that's never happened before. Still not convinced that's not some kind of east coast witchery._

_Anyway. Who I was was a lie. But saying that I loved you never was. Never. And it's still me, Daniel. I played boring and ordinary for you at first because I knew you would want to talk to someone like that but it was still my thoughts, my feelings. It's still my thoughts and feelings._

_I know you’re mad at me and I know you still plan to go to the east coast but I'm begging you not to. BEGGING, Daniel. I don't beg, but I'm begging you. What a weird word that is. But I'm using it. Because I don't want you to go, Daniel. I won't last a week without you. And I'll miss you a lot. And I still love you and I don't want to be away from you._

_Please stay. And please forgive me for tricking you. I love you._

_-Michael_

Dan sat at his computer for a long time. He still had packing to do. The movers would be coming tomorrow morning to collect all of his stuff, and that afternoon he was catching a balloon back to the east coast.

But he couldn't stop staring at Michael’s email. It could just be a big lie, just a way to try to get Dan to stop being mad at him. But it didn't feel like it. It felt like the most honest thing Michael had ever said to him in their entire relationship.

He glanced at his bed. Three days ago, he was standing in the doorway, watching his partner sleep and thinking about the fact that it was going to be tough to leave him. Thinking about the fact that even though he loved “John”, Michael had pried and wormed and dug his way into Dan’s heart too.

Michael was a disaster waiting to happen. He was crazy, and dangerous, and _literal fucking magic_ and there was no way a relationship with him wouldn't end up being just a never-ending train of weird that Dan would have to clean up.

And he fucking loved him. Knowing all of that, having lived and breathed Michael’s little atmosphere of strange for three years, having faced weird situations and solved unimaginable problems and literal, deadly situations...

He loved Michael. And he loved “John”. And they were the same person, which was a solution from the universe he could never have seen coming.

Fucking hell.

* * *

_Michael,_

_I forgive you. My balloon leaves tomorrow at 3. Come meet me to say goodbye?_

_-Daniel_

* * *

Dan’s mouth was bleeding. But so was Michael’s nose, so they were even.

He held a tissue under his partner’s nostrils, pinching them closed to slow the bleeding. It shouldn't surprise him that their first kiss had been aggressive and desperate; they’d been dancing around this for almost two years. It was pretty much unavoidable.

He had a feeling it wouldn't be the last time they had each other’s blood on their clothes and skin. He was weirdly okay with that.

They were wedged close together on the floor of the basket, and Michael was looking at him like he was every Christmas morning and every birthday all wrapped up in one. Which was a little ridiculous considering the bloody tissue under his nose, but Dan wasn't going to question it. It was too nice to jinx, having someone look at him like that.

“I'm sorry about John,” Michael said suddenly, his face turning remorseful. Dan’s heart panged a little, “I know I wrote that in the email, but I feel like I have to say it too. I didn't mean to hurt you with that.”

“I know. It's okay, Michael. Well... it's not okay, I hate that you tricked me and I'll probably strangle you if you do something like that again. But I forgive you.”

Michael looked solemn, and Dan carefully pulled the tissue away. His nose didn't seem to be bleeding anymore, so Dan carefully wiped away the little streaks of blood on his upper lip and shoved the tissue in his pocket.

“Look,” Dan sighed, “It's probably going to be a while before I can really talk about it. I still feel like I've lost someone, even though I know I haven't. I know that's silly but I can't help it.”

Michael nodded, his brow furrowed seriously, though Dan wasn't really convinced that Michael understood. That was okay, he didn't have to; he just had to give Dan time to breathe before he could meld the man in front of him with the man he had come to know online.

“Can I still call you cowboy?” Michael asked hesitantly, and Dan felt his face flush.

He never expected to hear that pet name out of Michael’s mouth, and it did unexpected things to his insides.

“I knew you’d blush,” Michael smiled delightedly, which made Dan blush an even deeper shade of red, “That's amazing.”

“Shut up, Mike,” Dan grumbled, but his heart fluttered with affection. This man was going to be the death of him, in every way.

“So that's a yes?” Michael persisted, “Can I still call you cowboy?”

“Yes, yes,” Dan sighed, losing his fight to keep a smile off his face, “You can call me cowboy.”

“Ye-haw!” Michael grinned, his big hand coming up to cup the back of Dan’s head and pull him in for another kiss. This one wasn't as aggressive, thankfully, and Dan was able to steer him into gentle after a moment.

“How do you feel about riding, cowboy?” Michael pulled back to ask with a suggestive waggle of his eyebrows, and the embarrassed flush returned to Dan’s face with alarming speed.

“Oh god, just shut up and kiss me, Michael.”

For once, Michael didn't have to be told three times.

Fin


End file.
